Tonight...

I love my front porch...a lot. Every time I'm out here something awesome takes place. I spent many nights out here last summer just spending time with Jesus and soaking him in. One time I even wrote a song out here (it was my first and it was totally a gift from God). I don't know if it is the incredible view I have or if it's the new hammock I'm currently relaxing on..I just know that when I'm out here God becomes alive to me all over again.

I have been playing Phil Wickham non stop for the past few days and as the melodies of his song ring in my ears, the image of Jesus becomes a little more clear to me. It's amazing and I want to share it.

The first song is...

Cannons

It's falling from the clouds
A strange and lovely sound
I hear it in the thunder and rain
It's ringing in the skies
Like cannons in the night
The music of the universe plays

You are holy great and mighty
The moon and the stars declare who You are
I'm so unworthy, but still You love me
Forever my heart will sing of how great You are

Beautiful and free
Song of Galaxies
It's reaching far beyond the milky way
Lets join in with the sound
C'mon let's sing it loud
As the music of the universe plays

All glory, honor, power is Yours amen
All glory, honor, power is Yours amen

All glory, honor, power is Yours forever amen

Tonight as I was sitting out here I kept thinking about the chorus of this song

You are holy great and mighty

The moon and the stars declare who you are

I'm so unworthy, but still you love me

forever my heart will sing of how great you are

Looking up at the clear sky tonight, I am completely amazed at how BIG God is. I mean, dang. I don't even know what to say. I love thinking back to something God put on my heart a few months ago..the same power that created the moon and the stars, the universe, everything, lives inside of my heart. Think about that for a second. Actually, don't just think about it. Pray about it. Thank God for his power. Embrace it. Let it cause you to be bold for his name. Let it be encouragement in the times of despair. Let it change you, because frankly, it should.

He spoke creation into motion. That in itself blows my mind, but to take it even further, he created me and you; you, the believer of the God I love so much; yes, you, the one who thinks the God I love isn't real; you, the one who doesn't know what to believe and are living in confusion. A God that is so powerful, so holy, so sovereign, and so merciful and loving created me and you, and not only did he do that, he loves us. a lot.

I am so unworthy. I have so many flaws and so many things that have marred my heart, yet he still loves me. For that, forever my heart will sing of how great he is. He deserves all the glory and honor forever, and it is the desire of my heart to do all I can to give him the glory and honor for all he does.

The next song is....

Jesus Lord of Heaven

Jesus Lord of heaven, Oh I do not deserve

the grace that you have given, and the promise of your word
Lord I stand in wonder, at the sacrifice You made
Mercy beyond measure, my debt You freely paid

Your love is deeper, than any ocean

higher, than the heavens

reaches, beyond the stars in the sky

Jesus Your love has no bounds
Jesus Your love has no bounds
Jesus Your love has no bounds
Jesus Your love has no bounds

Your love is deep, your love is wide

Your love is great, your love is high

your love is all we'll ever need, your love is all we'll ever need

This song is awesome. It's so simple but it's so powerful. I'm learning more and more about Jesus all the time. Maybe it's because I took Hebrews this semester, I don't know. But I've just discovered this whole new side of who Jesus is and what he has truly done for us. I mean, his sacrifice was more than just a death on the cross..so much more! His death satisfied God's wrath and made it so you and I can have direct access to God, the Father. Through his death and resurrection we have received the gift of the Holy Spirit, freedom, and the promise of eternal life. I'm not even doing justice to what Jesus has done for us, but I hope I've made a little sense.

The last song is...

Heaven Song

You wrote a letter and You signed your name

I read every word of it page by page

You said that You'd be coming, coming for me soon

Oh my God I'll be ready for You

I want to run on greener pastures

I want to dance on higher hills

I want to drink from sweeter waters

In the misty morning chill

And my soul is getting restless

For the place where I belong

I can't wait to join the angels and sing my heaven song

I hear Your voice and I catch my breath

'Well done my child, enter in and rest'

Tears of joy roll down my cheek

It's beautiful beyond my wildest dreams

I want to run on greener pastures

I want to dance on higher hills

I want to drink from sweeter waters

In the misty morning chill

And my soul is getting restless

For the place where I belong

I can't wait to join the angels and sing...

No, I cant wait to join the angels and sing my heaven song

I LOVE THIS SONG

Ever since my Nana died I have had all kinds of thoughts about heaven--what is it going to be like? What am I going to do when I stand before my Creator? The Sunday after her service I had the opportunity to go to my home church, where we were in the middle of a sermon series called FAQ's. So, Jason was answering the various questions people had and this week just so happen to be about heaven...I love how God works. He talked about how much heaven is underplayed, and if people really understood the greatness of it they would be more excited about it and anticipate it more. So, since then, my mind has been overflowing with pictures of heaven, seeing Jesus face to face, entering into God's rest, and so much more.

Having said that, maybe you can understand why this song means so much to me and why I cling to the pictures this song paints for me. My favorite verse of this song is this...

I hear your voice and I catch my breath

Well done my child, enter in and rest

Tears of joy roll down my cheek

It's beautiful beyond my wildest dreams

I don't cry very often. But right now, I am. Not because I'm sad or scared, but because my heart is overflowing with joy and anticipation for the day I hear his voice, enter in and rest. I can't even fathom the fact that day this song is talking about is going to be a reality. I wish I could explain to you how I feel right now. I keep praying that I can find the words to describe how I feel. But I think God wants everyone to experience this feeling on their own. I think the feeling will be different for everyone and it will be their own. Ya know? So instead of praying I can explain it, I pray that all who read this, will one day feel how I feel in their own way. I'm not sure that makes much sense, but oh well.

I'm going to change things up real quick and really, out of nowhere. I want to be real with you right now. My heart is kind of all over the place. I feel like the status of it changes by the hour, by the minute, and I can't control it. I've been home for a week and I've experienced so many things already and I just don't know what to do with any of it. I've felt great, lonely, disappointed, restless, thankful, scared, joyful, alive, broken...all over the place right? How does that happen? I keep asking myself, how can so many things change in so little time, and my answer remains the same, I don't know. I don't know why things are the way they are. To be honest, it scares me. But I'm going to stay faithful to God and know that he is good and can be trusted. I'm going to remember that God works for the good of those who love him. I'm going to remember that the Creator of the universe believes in me. I'm going to remember that he has plans for me. I'm going to remember that it's the first week of summer, it's only just begun, and I need to wait patiently for what God is going to do in me.

As I write all of that, I'm reminded of why I even began this post. I began it because the overwhelming presence of God was too much to keep inside of me. I had to share the way I felt. I had to share how I've fallen in love with Jesus again tonight. All of these songs speak about God--his goodness, his power, his rest, his faithfulness in the promises he's made, his glory. They speak of something better than the temporary emotions I feel and better than my temporary life here on earth. They speak of a God who cares and who loves me and feels everything that I feel, and knows and understands it better than anyone here on earth ever will. As surely as I feel the wind blow this very moment, I know that God is here, along side of me, digging into the depths of my soul to help me see him clearly. Through the music of Phil Wickham, the ambiguity of my heart these days, through the clear night sky that covers the earth--God is helping me see him more clearly. So even though things are the way they are, I know that if I keep my eyes and my thoughts fixed on Jesus, everything will be okay.

I know I don't make much sense..I never do and I'm sorry for that. This is just what's going on with me right now. This is my heart and I'm laying it out for you to see. I don't know why, I'm just taking a step on faith, trusting that God is working in those of you who actually read this thing.

Well, it's late and I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a long day. If you feel led, I ask that you would pray for my day tomorrow. I'm visiting one side of my family for the first time since my Nana died and I'm also visiting the other side of my family that doesn't know Jesus yet.

peace and love.